Mostly True Astrology: September 2015

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Pisces: You will find yourself in a hashtag war with a chain-smoking three-fingered monkey.

Aquarius: You are tempted to buy a pair of rose-colored glasses that make everything look like rainbows and unicorns.

Capricorn: Your kitchen will be raided by Vikings looking for rum, chocolate and bacon.

Sagittarius: Someone will want to take your picture, just so people can shame your haircut online.

Scorpio: You will dress up as a successful business-person--unfortunately, you will do this while making a fried bologna sandwich.

Libra: At the pace that you are saving money, you should have a whole three dollars by 2111.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Virgo: You will be confronted by someone who believes that being spiritually responsible means unplugging your brain.

Leo: You can teach a young dog new tricks with persistence and lots of bacon.

Cancer: You will be insulted by an offering of cheap beer, dubious vegetables, unripe fruit, and grey vegan bacon.

Gemini: Just when you believe that you have seen the worst, the internet lowers the bar again.

Gold and black pentacle.

Triple moon cone incense holder.

Mostly True Astrology