Mostly True Astrology: 2015

Thursday, December 10, 2015

News for your Sun Sign

Here is the latest news for your Sun Sign.

Aries: Attack of the Earwigs!

Taurus: A slow piece of mail will sneak up on you.

Gemini: No pudding for you!

Cancer: Sarcasm was invented for family dinners.

Leo: It was a mistake to come down from the trees.

Virgo: Let loose the dogs of computer updates!

This batch of Mostly True Horoscopes is sponsored by Celtic Soul Jewelry and Pottery.

Libra: Welcome to twelve days of numpties!

Scorpio: You have forgotten something important.

Scorpio: Reconciliation should not involve arrows.

Capricorn: Try not to creep out the Elf on the Shelf.

Aquarius: Stupid political ideas fifty percent off.

Pisces: There is no rest for the good either.

Friday, October 16, 2015

As some of my readers know, my wife is a ceramic artist (a potter) who does wheel thrown pottery. One of the items that she makes are pet cremation urns. She can make ceramic pet urns with paw prints for dogs, cats, and ferrets. She does have a size limitation (basically she can't make an urn for a godzilla sized dog). The most common customization request is for the pet's name to be on the urn.

If you are interested, you can check out her Etsy shop.

Handmade pet urn.

Ceramic pet urn.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

News for Pisces

Pisces: You will find yourself in a hashtag war with a chain-smoking three-fingered monkey.

News for Aquarius

Aquarius: You are tempted to buy a pair of rose-colored glasses that make everything look like rainbows and unicorns.

News for Capricorn

Capricorn: Your kitchen will be raided by Vikings looking for rum, chocolate and bacon.

News for Sagittarius

Sagittarius: Someone will want to take your picture, just so people can shame your haircut online.

News for Scorpio

Scorpio: You will dress up as a successful business-person--unfortunately, you will do this while making a fried bologna sandwich.

News for Libra

Libra: At the pace that you are saving money, you should have a whole three dollars by 2111.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

News for Virgo

Virgo: You will be confronted by someone who believes that being spiritually responsible means unplugging your brain.

News for Leo

Leo: You can teach a young dog new tricks with persistence and lots of bacon.

News for Cancer

Cancer: You will be insulted by an offering of cheap beer, dubious vegetables, unripe fruit, and grey vegan bacon.

News for Gemini

Gemini: Just when you believe that you have seen the worst, the internet lowers the bar again.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

News for Taurus

Taurus: One should avoid working for companies where “growth opportunities” means that you might develop a brain tumor.

News for Aries

Aries: Your life is like a sadomasochistic Japanese game show without the prizes.

A word from our sponsor (custom made pentacles and incense holders)

And it is once again time for a word from our sponsor---the ever popular Khari's Wiccan Treasures.

Looking for a pentacle? Or maybe a cone incense holder? Boy, are you in luck. Khari's Wiccan Treasures can make a custom ordered pentacle or incense holder for you.

Gold and black pentacle.

Triple moon cone incense holder.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

News for Pisces

Pisces: To make everything more interesting, use the Shatner Method.

News for Aquarius

Aquarius: Error Message--Update to a Kinder and Gentler Humanity has failed. Please try again.

News for Capricorn

Capricorn: On the road to success, one must drive around potholes dug by gorillas.

News for Sagittarius

Sagittarius: You will be friended by a sock, unfriended by a mystery, and get nothing but creepy comments on the latest picture that you share.

News for Scorpio

Scorpio: Sometimes, no matter how you try to justify your actions, you are just being a jerk.

News for Libra

Libra: The voice of your significant stalker will cause a sudden headache.

News for Virgo

Virgo: You will be the victim of a plan developed by a short clown for a demented circus ran by a sadistic ringmaster.

News for Leo

Leo: You will encounter an unwashed stinky hippie who barks a lot.

News for Cancer

Cancer: You will find yourself on the no-fly list, for attempting to create forbidden fruit salad.

News for Gemini

Gemini: You will discover that wasps and leeches do serve a useful purpose as they devour a government employee.

News for Taurus

Taurus: A politician of questionable policies and dubious morals will steal your wallet.

News for Aries

News for Aries.

Aries: You will be caught in a riot where clowns are protesting for better balloon animals.

A word from our sponsor

Chalice and offering plate (Khari's Wiccan Treasures)

And now a brief word from our sponsor....

You can now order a custom-made Wiccan altar set from Khari's Wiccan Treasures, complete with a chalice, offering plate, a beaded handle cauldron incense holder (for charcoal blocks), and a small corked herb jar.

Cauldron incense burner, offering plate, and small corked herb jar (Khari's Wiccan Treasures)